Get Going Workshops

by Joanne Levy-Prewitt

Students Must Follow Their Own Path, Not Their Parent’s

Q: I am a sophomore in high school. I'm involved on campus and plan to run for office next year. I've started a club for vegans, I play the violin in both the school and community orchestras, and I have all A's so far. My school doesn't allow sophomores to take AP classes, but I'll take two next year and maybe three my senior year. Math is my favorite subject, and I'd really like to take math this summer at a community college. My parents think I should go to a leadership camp instead because they say that will convince colleges that I'll be involved on campus in college.

I'm running for office next year only because my parents want me to, and because colleges like that sort of thing, too. I want to do something this summer to prove to colleges that I am unique; I'm just not sure what to do.

A: I understand why both you and your parents feel the need to have a strategic approach to college admissions. Colleges are accepting fewer applicants every year, and that has created fear and frenzy among those who believe that hard work and perseverance should yield rewards like admission to highly selective colleges.

However, it sounds as though your parents might have taken this too far. I think it's fine for parents to suggest that their students become involved in campus organizations that genuinely interest them -- as a vegan club interests you -- but it seems very insincere to ask a student to spend an entire summer pursuing something only to impress colleges.

It's probably true that you'll appear to be an involved applicant if you spend the summer at a leadership camp. However, you've mentioned that you like math, and I think you should pursue what you like. If you are headed for a major in math, science or engineering, the additional math will allow you to explore and prepare for those disciplines.

Colleges read applications carefully, but they also infer what they can't see. If you don't -- or can't -- write a convincing essay about your passion for a school activity or your leadership experience, it's unlikely that colleges will conclude that you will be an active participant on their campus. Instead, they might wonder why you spent so much of your precious time pursuing something that didn't excite you.

It sounds as if you are trying to please many people. Your parents seem to have their own notion of what is required for admission to college, and it's natural that you would respect and honor them. However, I hope they realize that at many colleges exceptional mathematicians are as impressive as student leaders.

College admissions personnel are a moving target. They try to create a class of diverse and interesting students, but it is impossible to determine the exact definition of diverse -- or interesting -- from year to year. Just as they need leaders, they also need vegan, violin-playing math lovers. You need not worry about being unique. It's a cliche, but just be yourself.

And parents, I caution you to consider the message you are sending your young adults when you ask them to engage in behaviors that don't feel genuine to them. Should we ask them to wear clothes they don't like to become more popular or to gain access to a certain social group? Should we suggest that they spend a summer immersed in something that does not interest them?

We've all met adults who are miserable in their work -- who stay because they no longer know what pleases them -- and end up feeling unfulfilled, empty and depressed. I wonder if those seeds were planted when they were young and were encouraged to do things only to please others. As adults, most of us seek to find a more authentic and honest way of living: to try new things, to discover our passions and to stick with the things we love. Our children will only benefit if we encourage them to behave this way early on.

COPYRIGHT 2008 JOANNE LEVY-PREWITT