Get Going Workshops

by Joanne Levy-Prewitt

Son’s Excursions A Reminder Of College Admissions Stress

The summer between my son's sophomore and junior years of high school, my husband and I took him to look at colleges on the East Coast. It felt like a bittersweet rite of passage, similar to his first day of kindergarten. After all, college would mark the culmination of our educational responsibility as parents.

We flew from San Francisco to JFK, spent a few days visiting relatives and then another week or so jammed in a rental car, touring colleges. I'd like to tell you that it was our finest family adventure or that we sang along to the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" as we journeyed up I-95, but in reality, it was a nightmare. If I had to choose a song to serve as the theme of our trip it would be the Beatles' "I Should Have Known Better."

I wasn't expecting that we would hold hands and skip across the lawns of charming, Northeastern liberal arts colleges, but I also wasn't expecting my son's reaction. I tell you this with his permission, but after a few college tours, he was a wreck. Nearly every admissions officer told us that they were looking for unique, passionate, talented, interesting applicants who could also demonstrate their authentic interest in the college.

After several tours and info sessions, my son became uncharacteristically silent. In an effort to get him to open up, I poked. I prodded. My husband cajoled. Nothing worked, and the tension among us grew, until finally, after several days, my son finally revealed his fears. He was afraid that he wasn't talented, passionate or even interested enough in any of the colleges to get in. And while he saw several colleges that thrilled and excited him, he felt that he was being asked to participate in a game of self-promotion when he barely understood himself.

The search for colleges and the admissions process itself can facilitate growth and foster an authentic discovery of a student's strengths. However, the process can also breed insecurity, fear and resentment. Students and families who are planning visits to college this year might keep in mind that while you should be looking for colleges that will meet your academic and social needs, you might also come, for the first time, face-to-face with some very painful realities and even some personal demons.

I was 17 a long time ago, yet I am sure that today's 17-year-olds are rarely convinced that they are interesting, talented or unique. Rather, college applicants are often uncertain about themselves, and their insecurity is only exacerbated when they compare themselves to others. Group tours foster this; one only needs to look left and right to see the competition.

The best way to deal with both the demons and the competitive reality of admissions is to identify your strengths as early, and as honestly, as possible. Everyone has them. Are you a quiet, introverted bookworm? A thoughtful intellectual? A gregarious social butterfly? A genius at chemistry? A drama king? A budding engineer? A political activist? A fashionista? The more you can analyze and appreciate your assets, the better you will feel about yourself in a room full of overachievers, and the better you will be able to identify a good learning and living environment.

While writing this column, I had a pleasant, reflective phone conversation with my son about that summer excursion. He'll graduate from college this spring, so his perspective about that time is tempered by four years of growth and maturity.

He remembered the trip as a painful realization of the world, but also demonstrated both his maturity and sense of humor when he said, "I think I realize now that college is a time to repair the wounds of high school."

COPYRIGHT 2008 JOANNE LEVY-PREWITT